2026.02.04 18:39
first 2 official open water dives complete. i saw many creatures. sea turtles, sea urchin with their parasite blue shrimp (rare sighting!), nemo, the one with the scar in nemo, swarms of fish near the surface, jellyfish, this creature that has a flower like capturing device that closes when you touch it, many things i cannot name.
i'm on this little island alone. 10k population but 100+ temples. feeling in awe and grateful for those in the fishing industry... the formidable ocean...
last two dives tomorrow before heading back to taipei
still doing hand checks
a lot on my mind
sneezing a lot today
a little bruise on the tip of my nose
feeling brave
feeling capable
natural
the sanmao quote on the wall of my room makes me tear up
2026.01.31 14:30
i'm at the public library on a saturday, surrounded by elders. they drift in and out of their nap, with some literature of choice next to them, ready to be read when their minds sharpen every once in a while
it's winter break, the librarian is announcing for kids to gather around for story time. she is now explaining the concept of the public library. we're in a public space that anybody can come to, and so on
i'm reading the essay personal business by charles and handwriting the map between the 5 afflictions, 5 elements, 5 buddha families, 5 skandhas, into my notebook
i just got my hair washed by lily at a local salon we've been frequenting for a decade. she's my age, and while most her colleagues and schoolmates complained about serving a small community and yearned for creativity (as much as taipei allows), she valued the coziness and stayed over 5 years, washing and dyeing hair for the aging community, which occasionally includes me when i'm back
i pray for the victims in the epstein files and for the eons in hot hells the american administration will surely endure. cause and effect is real
i pray for all the ignorance that caused suffering to proliferate across the globe, for all the immigrants at risk and the courageous citizens of america
may all sentient beings be free from suffering and the cause of suffering
may all sentient beings have happiness and the cause of happiness
may all sentient beings never be apart from the happiness that is free from suffering
may all sentient beings abide in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion
my body aches
inspired by all the people reading at the public library
may all sentient beings be free
may their minds find ultimate rest
2026.01.31 14:14
last day of the month
everything is a blessing in disguise, if you believe
2026.01.28 14:50
starting the day late at cornerstone cafe nearby. a long list of tasks i want to complete. i'm wearing a cute outfit and i moisturized my face. it's okay to start the day late. i ordered aussie breakfast for $12.15usd because i wanted to eat crispy potatoes
first i will make a list of all that i will do
then i will fill my tummy mindfully
then i will start to complete my tasks
2026.01.23 23:57
now
- tension headache on the right side
- cartier fast asleep
today
- 3rd calligraphy class
- did laundry
this week
- $2222 for last dinner with nainai on our 29 + 92 trip
- stopped by new taichung library on the way home
- talked about proselytizing, religion, karma, ww2
- saw more of taiwan
- on the drive saw many angel numbers
lately
- i said i would come back to spend time with grandma and cartier
- that is exactly what i've been doing
later
- need to have diligence in strengthening and practicing because i will face the same health issues and aging issues my parents and grandma face now
2026.01.20 20:39
in bed at the hotel in chiayi with grandma
collagen toner pads on my face
29+92 trip to chiayi
went to pick her up, drove to a flower place near taichung and had a simple lunch, drove to chiayi hotel, went to chiayi park and walked around, went to eat slices raw tomato with old ginger and plum powder, ate chiayi turkey rice, and came back to the hotel
on the car she told me lots of stories and we talked almost the whole time
today we saw lots of flowers and i drove ~3.5 hours
my 92 y/o grandma can still walk as much as me in a day
saw new facets of taiwan and grandma
2026.01.18 23:16
listening to m teachings, blessed. cartier wandering around the dark room, making her bed and crying, being a grumpy old dog :'
2026.01.18 22:41
feeling positive these days. slow but noticeable progression on many fronts. gaining new insights about myself, which feels fresh. there's always something to learn, there's always something to let go of... let go of this overprotection of myself — simply know that samsara is not safe, and be without hope and fear. soran says he likes me because my head is screwed on right, and i am clapped with the truth. i like that too, and i want to continue to cultivate this wisdom, and become stable
today i organized my room a bit. swept the floor, put clothes away, reorganized my desk
i napped the past few days
i should've shorted adbe... i knew it was going to look like this. oh well!
let's think about what we can gain rather than what we can lose
let's be courageous, action biased, do the $10k task first ♡
2026.01.17 15:38
dream journaled and stretched while calling with soran this morning, we daydreamed about how we would spend our future wealth (a certainty). i am grateful for soran's energy, drive, and confidence. i hope that our trust keeps building and we keep getting to know each other better
took kiki cartier to the salon and to the slide, went to a new local japanese place and then a shaved ice place with mom and laurent. i have to bring soran to this shaved ice place. i sat in the sun on a bench in between two pairs of friends in their late 60s and listened to their conversation while journaling
i love the weather today, 民生社區, the juxtaposition of faded walls/signs and vibrant plants all around
cleared browser history from the beginning of time
2026.01.15 20:52
started the day with calligraphy class
researched 環島 transportation options and routes
dozed off at home with kiki caca
chatted with anan about my chart
started reading the coin by yasmin zaher, which laiyi recommended
$10 for chinese medicine diagnosis $8 for acupuncture and medicine patch
needle perfectly in my 印堂, releasing tension and anxiety
collecting insights about myself these days through reading, conversations, yoga and calligraphy practice, m's teachings, dream journaling, observing family (reflecting on samsara), observing my mind
motivated, action biased, present... i will not continue in confusion
2026.01.14 00:50
i feel motivated today
i want to work hard
update this website, update portfolio, work on good projects for ccc and renee, practice calligraphy diligently, yoga teacher training, PRACTICE
my time will be so well spent
2026.01.14 00:24
yesterday i had a good meeting with chien chi chang and he gifted me prayer flags from bhutan. then i talked for 4 hours with tianran at an old taiwanese joint from 1977, then walked to 五桐號 in zhongshan and sat there chatting. we talked about calligraphy, art marketing, chinese culture and politics, family and relationship dynamics, taiwanese energy, true friends...etc. i had to poop on the mrt so i immediately got off and within 2 minutes i was in a nice bathroom, and then i ubiked home for free instead of went back on the mrt. i got stopped by the police for jay-biking a short crosswalk and it was funny, i blew on a breathalyzer and they let me go, said 路上小心 i said 好謝謝... i'm thankful for taiwan today and this funny little interaction. i performed a dream reality check only about 5 times today. i'm still going at daily stretching, dream journaling, reality checking, reading, practicing calligraphy...
2026.01.12 18:47
i'm at eslite art house alone. i've been out since noon. i fell asleep while squatting at eslite bookstore. looking at everyone and everything makes me feel sad. i'm about to watch my first movie of the year. i was looking forward to fresh popcorn but there are none here. i ate alone at the food court. my throat is ever so slightly scratchy. i haven't been taking any supplements or my tibetan medicine. i don't know how to forgive. earlier at the cafe i wrote "5 reasons to live" inspired by seb's "10 reasons to live" document that they sent over. they said i should marry someone who inspires me with their drive and action and who is selfless and giving since i like acts of services. i'd say seb got it exactly right. i love seb. i love a half empty theater. i feel anxious and stressed about my solo trip with grandma but i know it will be worth it and it will be good, and it will be done. i miss movies a lot. i haven't watched one since i left nyc. i am love
2026.01.10 01:59
thinking back on the moment i received my gireogi bag, the moment i received the bento from your name, the sky flowers painting, flower photos, love letter
i feel loved and protected by forces greater than myself
may i practice the same thoughtfulness and generosity towards others
may i find joy in giving without return
2026.01.10 16:33
han showed me her journals from elementary school and inspired me to look even further back... the earliest i have on my laptop is from 2017/2018
reading my journals from 2018 now
exactly 8 years ago from today
age 21 mad
2018.01.10
"hyperboles gradually wash out the meaning of the rest of your words for the rest of your life"
"I told Justin one of my new years resolution is to be more accurate with my words, and taking back words I said that I did not fully mean."
"other resolutions is digital detox, dont touch phone when dont need to, check fb/email once a day..etc”
2018.01.12
"I like my eyes when I cry
when I don't cry
I want to tell you things with my eyes"
2018.01.14
"this feeling when i think about mom and dad, i think it’s bitterness? guilt? 無奈? helpless? awkward? pain? burdensome? cringey…"
「我只想要當一個 小時候的我會喜歡的人」
既來之則安之
2026.01.10 16:07
sitting at a cafe nearby after taking dogs to the salon and booking calligraphy class for tomorrow. reading my journals from summer 2023
「一切不在我掌控之下
一切卻在我掌控之下」
2026.01.09 23:32
i don't miss america
i don't miss new york
i don't miss prospect park
i don't miss my room
i miss boudha
2026.01.09 22:29
今天喜歡的比喻
台北是個死城 一灘死水
曼谷是一灘有滴答冒泡的水
一切都是禮物
一切都是課題
拿出無敵卡
勇敢的面對一切
以前的 現在的 以後的...
回台北就是不能做自己 這是？我們可以放下的堅持
畢竟「自己」始終只是個幻影 錯覺
今天有伸展 有帶kiki出去 有帶自己出去 有和朋友聊天看海 有練書法
雖然我在台北不大舒服 但是我不想念紐約 也不想念我的房間
我想要給自己的禮物 是時間 鍛鍊 修行 自由
不是回去 也不是安慰 更不是依靠別人
以現在的心態回來 看到朋友經驗裡不一樣的台北
輪迴苦
同情苦
一棟僵在太陽下的死房
一位值得敬佩的奶奶
一位令人心疼又無奈的媽媽
難以面對的爸爸
兩隻寶貝無知的狗狗
一位在漂流的女孩
有一些錢 一些智慧 一些摯友 一些還模糊的夢
我相信當我的睡夢清晰了 人生這場長夢也會成形
之後或許我會有超能力才能...去告訴別人他們不知道的事情 給別人看他們看不到的東西
「爸爸，我們是不是只能知道一半的事情？」
「你看到的我看不到，我看到的你看不到，那我怎麼知道你在看什麼呢？我們只能看到前面，不能看到後面，這樣不就有一半的事情看不到了嗎？」
2026.01.09 12:28
i'm getting a feel of what it's like to have children when living with my two dogs. changing diapers for cartier, wiping pee on the ground, giving her eyedrops, feeding kiki medicine and always wondering about her wellbeing, whether she should go out more, trying to play with her, etc. whenever they cry, i check and feel a deep sense of responsibility to answer to them. they only have us, i am willing to sacrifice my time for their comfort
it's day 9 of 2026 already. i noticed that even with all the food readily available, my appetite is not the best here, my meals aren't consistent, my gut is not content. despite the overall sense of cleanliness and safety, i am in fight or flight mode here
spilling the tea with ri, collaborating with renee, still chilled to my bones by the humidity. thinking about what annie said about uncovering and reprograming our inner beliefs...
i'm glad i am going to han's place now in danshui, i will be near water and get to talk candidly and deeply with a special friend who i don't see often
01.23-02.07... two week solo trip somewhere...?
2025.01.07 17:23
the bone chilling humidity of taipei
facades and street signs washed pale by rain, blushing grey
me, my words, my photos, my videos
a boy who loves me
a body i can strengthen
not of excess but restraint
coherent, aligned, diligent
2026.01.04 01:44
first teaching of the year complete. i was a bit distracted as usual by the screen, but i got good bits and a practice schedule for the next week
"samsara is the intoxicant... we are intoxicated, regarding painful things as pain relieving" - m
"if you don’t sever the root of the mind, it ain’t happening" - m
welp! another year in samsara, let's make it count
2025.01.03 19:47
day 3 of a new year
1 hair wash
1 new skincare item (499 ntd collagen toner pads)
1 meal with grandma
1 short video
2 new shirts (400ntd for 2 vintage long sleeve)
2 cafes
2 books read
2 meals at home
4 things off my todo list